“God, firetrucks are always cluttering up traffic, and they ALWAYS do it during rush hour!”

And we ALL know that preventing traffic jams > saving lives.

#1: “Did you know that Will Smith is really from West Philadelphia?”

#3: “Well, DUH, it’s in the song!”

[You are aware that Will Smith isn’t a fictional character, right?]

“Isn’t it Spring now?”

“It’s…January.”

“Well, that’s what I heard someone say.”

[That seems like something that would be easy to dispel by…going outside.]

“He talks really good English, even though he’s from Spain.”

[Even better than certain native speakers occupying this very room, I VENTURE TO GUESS.]

“God, I don’t know why teachers get mad when you text or have phone calls in class!”

“Probably because it disrupts it.”

“It’s none of their business anyway, they should just keep teaching. I mean, it’s what they were paid to do.”

[So I guess you won’t mind if I get employed in the fine profession of throat punching and decide to pick you as my first client.]

“Please, I’m up against all of these…ASIAN kids, they all have 4.0s. What am I supposed to do?”

[This is what you do, go to your interviews, mention that you’re well-versed in the art of xenophobia, and put it on all of your internship occupations. I guarantee you will get hired. Or kicked out. One of the two.]

Hey people! Long time no see!

The semester rocked me like a hurricane (that, and I was practically sleeping in the tech center and I didn’t see them too much) so I didn’t have time to record anything.

But now that school is in full swing, let’s get going!

#1 talking about #3: “I think there is something WRONG WITH HER, like, in her brain. It’s like things aren’t working right up there.”

Me: “Damn.” [Well, it only took you 3 months to verify what took me 3 days, but hey.]

“I don’t understand those religions that have like, more than one god, it’s just like, all the other religions have ONE god so why do you have more than one?”

“Well, they have completely separate roots from Abrahamic Religions. There are many polytheistic religions, you know, it doesn’t make them any less legitimate.” [I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHY ALL RELIGIONS AREN’T THE SAME.]

“With new advances in HD technology, the makeup industry has had to change, because makeup can be seen on film. They often use airbrushing now.”

“Oh my god, what is the point in HD then?”

“Uhh…” [My filmmaker brain doesn’t know how to process this question.]

“Hey, have you seen that sponge?”

[I threw it out because it was moldy and vile and it was stinking up the whole kitchen.] “Nope.”

“It smells in here, doesn’t it??”

“It smells like fish.”

“Yeah, it smells! God, I can’t figure out why.”

“…Did you eat fish? I see fish in the sink.”

“Yeah, but it’s not that! It’s something that smells!”

“…Okay.” [You mean, the fish? In the sink?]

“I tried for a frat once. They had this party, and all the girls in the neighboring sorority were serving us food, it was great.”

“…Wow. That’s not sexist at all.”

“Oh, it wasn’t like…in a bad way, it was just, you know, a beautiful girl serving you.”

“…Yep, not better.”

“Well, the sorority and the frat were linked together. So if they needed something done around the house, a toilet fixed or something you, we’d help them out.”

“You guys are a shining pillar of shattering gender roles.”

“I haven’t actually READ any articles on this case, but I don’t think Joe Paterno should have been fired. It’s unfair.”

“Uhhh…unfair to who? You should probably consider looking it up before you support someone more concerned with protecting reputations than protecting children who have been raped. Just saying.” [Protip? YOU JUST GOT SERVED.]

“People in the bio department are NERDS, you know? And they look at me, and they can just tell I have a social life and that annoys them, so they don’t really talk to me.”

“Really? That’s surprising.” [I would think the condescending attitude towards them would do it.]